Secret Lives – Why phone sex and sexting services are so appealing to people with secret fantasies they want to explore

There have been enough sex scandals in the media in the past few years that we are all aware of the problems it can cause if someone’s private sexual fantasies or tastes become exposed. Yet this doesn’t mean that most people don’t have the odd thing that they keep to themselves when it comes to what they personally fantasise about. While people’s sexual desires vary wildly across a huge spectrum, what is almost universal is that we tend not to want that part of ourselves to overlap with our public persona. This can be because it is not an image that is compatible with our professional lives or social reputations, or simply because it can be something that feels far too intimate to be something we would want others discussing about us.

What We Keep Secret and Why

How much we keep secret also varies, with some people just keeping quiet about the type of porn they prefer (or about enjoying porn at all), or about the fantasies they have involving real people they know. Others keep whole sides of themselves from others (for instance people who never tell anyone that they are curious about having an encounter with someone the same gender as them, or about having a particular fetish). There are also some people who don’t really hide anything at all and are happy for those around them to know everything they get up to, or to explore all of their fantasies with their partners – though they do tend to be the minority.

Of course, keeping something that interests you a lot a secret can be frustrating and difficult, and it also means you don’t get to truly enjoy some generally healthy sexy fantasies. This is why a lot of people find that the internet offers them some unique ways to discuss their interests and explore their personal kinks or desires with strangers who they will never have to meet or reveal their identities to in the real world. Whether it is becoming part of an online community that shares a particular interest (such as subsets of BDSM communities), or finding partners online to roleplay fantasies with via things like sexting or video chat, it is now possible for most people to find an outlet for their secret selves in a relatively safe way (as long as they are guarded about their online communications).

Professional Sexting

Some people who know quite a lot about the kinds of fantasies people often keep a secret are the people who work for sexting and adult chat services like Arousr. Mostly women, they are available online to be paired with clients who are interested in talking about specific kinks, fetishes or scenarios they find arousing, or people whose general tastes they meet in terms of age and looks. These girls offer a non-judgmental, private place to explore fantasies and also have some fun, flirty banter, and in some cases build up long term friendships with the people they talk to, meaning that those people always have someone they know they can have an exciting or comforting conversation with when the mood strikes them!

We interviewed some of the girls who work in this capacity for the site arousr.com, and they revealed – without of course, giving away any details that would compromise their users’ privacy – that they talk to people from all walks of life, including everybody from priests and politicians to bi-curious wives. While some customers are just single people who want some fun, no strings attached sexy chat with an attractive and willing participant, for some others it is a place where they get to indulge the sides of themselves they often keep secret. The talk can sometimes go beyond sex and becomes a special form of companionship with that person, where they can be themselves and chat normally with someone who also knows what their private kinks are!

Safety and Privacy

One of the most important things sexting and phone sex channels online can offer is the privacy factor. While it may be possible for people to find people that they can sext with in their real-world lives, it has been shown in a number of high profile cases that sexts can quickly turn into blackmail material, or worse, when a relationship goes sour. There are even people who take advantage of other people’s secrets intentionally from the outset, and who seek to lure in men who are looking for an outlet for their secret sexual desires only to make their lives difficult. Private, secure online services remove this risk from the process of finding people to chat with, and for a lot of people this makes the service invaluable.

Privacy isn’t just a significant issue when the person who wants to chat is a celebrity or other high-profile person but is something that concerns most people. Whether it is because they have a partner, or because they simply don’t want their employer or family to know the types of things they talk about online, most people would be reluctant to share sex-related things about themselves if there was any danger it could end up being made public. And of course, a big part of sexting for a lot of people is sharing pictures, and it is always advisable when sending sexy pictures of yourself to make sure that your face and any other identifying features (such as unique tattoos) aren’t in shot. Having a platform where you can trust that the other person isn’t saving up all your pictures for potentially nefarious purposes is highly reassuring!

As you can see, for people who enjoy online sexting services such as Arousr, there are lots of reasons why this is one of the only ways they can talk openly about their deepest and most personal sexual fantasies and be able to interact in that context without fear of serious consequences. It is no wonder then, that this is such a popular thing for people to do!