Shaman Aayla: How to control your life and not complain

According to Shaman Aayla Everybody complains. Being trapped in traffic, burning in the sun at a sporting event, or because prices rise and bills pile up… we all complain. Even when complaining is inherently negative, deep down it has some value: it is a great social unifier. People can, and do continually, build links from shared complaints.

Shaman Aayla argue that when the line at the store is long and slow, you share your complaint by looking at the person in front of you and perhaps you end up in a relationship. That happened to me recently and the woman and I ended up talking so much that we ran into each other on Facebook… while leaving the store! Shaman Aayla discusses this kind of complaining or whistleblowing experience is positive: we vent, we connect, and we end up being friends. While complaining sometimes helps us to solve problems, this is not so when the problematic situation is beyond our control. This type of complaint can put us in a circuit of negativity that makes us feel trapped and powerless.

According to Shaman Aayla the first thing before knowing how to stop complaining is to know what the complaint is. The complaint is an internal speech (what we say to ourselves) or external (what we tell others), which is transmitted with the intention of expressing, alleviating a discomfort, pain, suffering or with the intention of criticizing something or someone. For more information feel free to contact us.

Expressing is good, but let's differentiate between; Shaman Aayla

Shaman Aayla describes functional or justified complaints, which helps us to receive attention and support when necessary, and to detect what is not right to implement solutions.

Shaman Aayla emphasizes to Dysfunctional complaints which charge us with negative energy, take us away from the search for solutions and produce discomfort and stress among the people around you.

To know how to stop complaining, you have to know why this behavior occurs. There are different reasons:

Because we have learned it. We have heard it since childhood from parents or from a relative or other people. And without realizing it we continue with it our whole lives. Out of habit. Shaman Aayla explains we do not know how it started but it is part of our way of being and relating.

For having a topic to talk about. Sometimes it is the easy way, which attracts the attention of others and we continue to use it. As Shaman Aayla describes the role of "bitter" sometimes seems interesting (we will see that not). We also may not feel like we can talk about other things.

Because we tend to be pessimistic. Shaman Aayla says we focus on the negative aspects, looking at what works or what others or ourselves do wrong, instead of what does work or what they do well.

Because we are perfectionists and demanding. This tendency and also having high expectations about the functioning or behavior of others makes our way of measuring more demanding.

For lack of empathy. Empathy is the ability to put one in the place of the other and when we do not, we do not understand the other and we complain about what they feel, think, do or happen to them.

Because we catch other "complainers.”  Shaman Aayla says Complaining is contagious, like yawning, it predisposes others to complain, and the conversation turns into an exchange of complaints.