Three ways to deal with your daughter's (seemingly) strange boyfriend

Sam Richards
Authored by Sam Richards
Posted Wednesday, December 9, 2020 - 6:52am

Parenting is a process that can be quite emotionally draining and mentally taxing. When your children start developing romantic interests, this process becomes even more stressful. If you have a daughter, the worries are multiplied. Fortunately, you can somewhat put those worries to rest by implementing any of the following three suggestions.

1. Ask her about the relationship

Relationships are extremely touchy subjects with almost every teenager out there. They often find it particularly uncomfortable when a parent tries to get involved in their love life. However, as a concerned parent, it's normal to be worried sick - more so if you have a daughter that seems to have a quirky boyfriend.

In the beginning, you'll probably find it hard to get your daughter to open up to you. She might not even want to reveal basic information such as his name and age. If she seems worried, try to explain to her that you only have her best interests in mind and that she isn't in any sort of trouble. Show and outline your concerns, but make sure to respect her wishes. It can take a lot of patience until you finally manage to reach out to her.

Start with some trivial questions that won't make her uncomfortable. Focus on their relationship instead of exclusively on him. Ask her where they met, what they have in common, how long they've been together, etc. Then, slowly start to move the subject and focus on the boyfriend. Is he treating her appropriately? What's he like when there aren't any people around them? Even though they're simple and straightforward, these questions can reveal a lot about him.

2. Invite him to dinner

When you meet her boyfriend for the first time, your first impression will assuredly tell you whether your worries were justified or not. Of course, before proceeding with this step, make sure that your daughter has agreed and that she won't feel awkward in that situation. Once everything is set, get ready to put him to the test.

While you'll likely form some sort of picture of him even without asking any specific questions, they can be beneficial in revealing his true personality. You'll want to try to provoke any reaction from him, whether it's positive or negative. These questions can be related either to their relationship or to his life, but you'll want to have some kind of boundaries so that he doesn't necessarily feel attacked. Try to understand what his plans are with your daughter from the answers that you receive.

If he had any outbursts or strong emotional responses to certain questions, make an effort to understand whether they were positive or negative. Keep your eye on your daughter during the dinner so you can see her reactions as well - if she looks uncomfortable, it's best to switch to a different subject.

3. Try to get his phone number

Getting her boyfriend to give you his phone number can either be very easy or very difficult - it's mostly going to depend on the approach that you take. Tell him that it's a simple precaution since you're worried about her whereabouts, and this way you'll be able to keep your peace of mind without bothering either him or her. Allegedly, you'll only resort to using it in case of emergency. Once you've managed to do this, it's time to do a quick check.

Investigating whether his intentions are true or not is actually quite easy if you use Spokeo, a people intelligence service. The way it works is simple: you enter a number on Spokeo's website, press a button, and you've initiated a reverse number lookup. This pro1cess could compare her boyfriend's phone against thousands of others in an online, indexed database. It's a fully confidential lookup since Spokeo doesn't notify the actual owner of a number about anything. After it's finished, you receive a detailed report with which you can do further analysis.

First and foremost, check whether his personal details match the ones that he outlined to you at dinner. Then, look up whether he has any criminal records or past interactions with the law. In the end, you can sift through his social media profiles. See what his main interests are and whether his alleged intentions are true to his posts. If you find anything concerning, approach your daughter with this gathered information extremely carefully.

Maguire Haigh is a marketing manager for Spokeo. He is interested in the latest technology trends, marketing strategies and business development. He also prefers traveling, exploring the world and meeting new people. Maguire has great experience in creating and editing articles on different topics.

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